Sunday, May 26, 2013

Miles & Sandy: the Story part II

Summer 2012 (only two months after the end of part I)
By the time summer came around, Miles and I were both single and still keeping in touch, but only as friends. I was dyyyying to see him and I knew he would be staying in Utah over the summer so using my sneaky tricks, I finally convinced Miles to come spend 4th of July with me. (I used my family as bait cause he loves them). He flew into Long Beach on July 3rd and by the end of the night, things were back to normal. It seriously felt like he was my boyfriend again and I LOVED it. We spent the entire week together and I could not get enough of him! He and I were both so glad I convinced him to visit that week. When it was time to say goodbye, I dropped Miles off at the airport and drove home sobbing, again unsure of when I would see him again.
A couple weeks after he left, Miles invited me to come to Utah to spend a week with his family at Bear Lake. It was another perfect week with him. His mom asked him how things were going between us and he answered that it was great but still a little awkward. She was shocked and still teases us about how "un-awkward" our awkward was. We were so comfortable with each other and had so much fun together, but we still didn't have or even want a title on it. We were still talking to/seeing other people and we were both fine with it. We just decided that we wouldn't talk to each other about the dates we went on with other people. So as much as it felt like we were a couple when we would spend time together, we had to remember that we weren't and we couldn't expect too much out of each other. After our time in Bear Lake, I stayed a couple more days in the Provo area to spend more time with him. One of the days I was his date for a wedding and another day he took me shopping and out to dinner. He bought me a few dresses and shirts. Who is he??! Even when we weren't officially together I was spoiled by him.
Bear Lake
A week after our trip to Bear Lake, Miles came back to Long Beach just for a weekend. We spent an entire day at Disneyland with good friends (which could NOT have been more fun), spent lots of time at the beach, and once again enjoyed just being together.
Then, just a couple of days after Miles went back to Utah(the very end of August), my friend Tegyn and I drove up to Utah for a week. It was so good to spend more time with Miles but this one was hard because he was leaving soon to go back to school in Hawaii. When the week was over, and we said our goodbyes, I walked away again crying. This time I honestly thought that was the last time I would see him. I didn't see how we would be able to figure anything out with him all the way in Hawaii.

Fall 2012.
While Miles was back in Hawaii for school, we continued to keep in touch. We would occasionally skype or talk on the phone and we texted each other fairly often. We were both dating other people, but I was getting really frustrated with the entire situation because I felt like I would never be able to fully commit to someone with Miles always in the back of my mind. I prayed alllll the time about what I should do and I never felt like I got a definite answer. I figured I needed to just make a decision myself. After a lot of thought, I decided I needed him out of the picture completely or I would never be able to commit to someone else. That was my final decision. And I needed to tell him soon. Because he had plans to attend a wedding that coming November and he would be staying at my house. I was so sure that I would end things with him (whatever it was that we had), that I joined a Ragnar team for a Ragnar in Las Vegas the same weekend that Miles was supposed to be coming to town. But every time the opportunity came to tell him my decision, I wimped out. I could not get myself to tell him. I kept thinking about how I would have to live without him and I hated that thought. But I was still confident in my decision. It got closer and closer to that weekend in November and I still hadn't told him. I finally realized that I would just have to tell him in person while he was in town. So someone else on my Ragnar team planned on taking my final leg so I could be home by Saturday morning(even though Miles was coming on Friday). But I didn't tell Miles this until a few days before he was coming. So he had to find someone else to pick him up from the airport and find somewhere else to stay friday night. I would have had no clue that he was super annoyed by the situation that I put him in because he was being so nice about it. But he was super annoyed. I got home from Vegas around 5 am on Saturday and then drove over to Thousand Oaks around 10 am to pick up Miles from his friend Nick's house. I walked up to the house, Miles opened the door, and my heart melted. It was so good to see him again. We had a fun day together but every once in a while I would remember that I was supposed to have that talk with him and it killed me! I kept thinking, "I'll do it tomorrow, just enjoy today with him." That evening, we went to a beautiful wedding in Dana Point for his friend Kellie. The ceremony was on a gorgeous hill overlooking the ocean. After the ceremony he and I walked around down by the beach. Sorry about all the kissy pictures below, but I needed to include those. Those pictures were taken down at the beach after Kellie's wedding ceremony. You can clearly see that I was CRAZY about this boy. How was I supposed to tell him that I couldn't have him in my life anymore?!!
The reception was in Kellie's beautiful backyard in Laguna Niguel. It was sooo much fun. Occasionally throughout the night, I would be talking to someone and then look across the room at Miles and get butterflies in my stomach. I was so happy to be there with him. His friends would introduce me to others as "Miles' girl that he's not actually with right now but they're going to end up together they just don't know it yet." But my favorite part of the night was the dancing. We danced forever on the dance floor. At one point, this drunk old Russian man came up to me and taught me some of his dance moves. Then he pointed to Miles, who was talking to someone else, and asked "is that your boyfriend?" I said, "no, not really, it's complicated." The man then stopped dancing, looked at me and said, "you marry him, and invite me to the wedding." I just laughed and humored him, but for some reason I could not stop thinking about what he had just said. Miles and I danced until the wedding was over and then he stocked up on candy from the sweets bar and we left. On the way out, I told Miles what that man told me and we laughed agreed that if we ever got married, we would have to invite him. I knew it was just a joke, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I could not stop thinking about marrying Miles. After the wedding, we went over to my family's vacation rental in Laguna Beach and cuddled on the couch while we watched TV. I could not have been more content than I was cuddled next to him on that couch. All my thoughts of ending things with him were thrown out the window and replaced by thoughts of being with him. Then he started talking to me about our relationship and how happy I make him and how easy it is to be with me. Then he said, "I never stopped loving you." Honestly I think my heart stopped beating for a couple seconds cause I died when he said that. He has no recollection of this, but I responded by saying, "I feel the same way." And somehow, we're still unsure how, we kind of figured out that night that we would end up together. But our status remained the same.
the reception
Miles and the bride, Kellie
The next day I dropped Miles off at the airport and drove away crying, like always. But this time it wasn't because I was unsure if I would see him again. I was crying because I had to say goodbye to the boy that I just realized I was still in love with.

to be continued...

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